I can still blame hormones at 9 1/2 months right? I mean...I'm still exclusively nursing so I guess I can.
Some days I am perfectly content with this life. I love it so much. My children are a blessing and a joy and I am so happy to have them to take care of. But today I am so angry with myself...i hate feeling depressed! I just can't seem to shake it. My house is all cluttered and I can't seem to get the energy to get it back in order. I have nothing to wear to church (it's so embarrassing!!!) or even in general since I'm not pregnant this winter. I think I am going to try and take everyone to Kohl's to try and get something for church at least. I dress up the kids so cute and Dan looks nice and I'm just pathetic.
Yesterday I went to the thrift store and bought what I thought was a really pretty dress for naval ball and when I got back to the car (dan had taken me to look and they stayed in the car) Dan was so angry for having to wait and the kids were asking me what took so long. HONESTLY!!! I needed a stupid dress and it's really hard to try stuff one with everyone with me. I can't go over there by myself because it's scary and I don't have the money to go to the mall and get one. Not to mention I'm at home all day taking care of them and there's no reason they can't wait 40 min. for me to find a dumb dress. So anyway...I get home and Dan doesn't like the dress and says I should go hunting in it because it's orange. It's more of a red/burnt orange color. So now i have the dumb dress that I paid $22 for that I can't return and I called him today and said I didn't' even want to go. I have no time, money or desire to try and find a formal dress to fit this gross body that has had 4 kids! Not to mention anytime I have tried to get involved in group exercise I end up only being able to go about every 4th class and it's a huge waste of money. I would love to exercise, but well...it just never works out. And that would be fine except for when I'm supposed to go to Navy ball and have to wear a dress.
So I am going to try now to clean up my basement and get things in order again. Somehow a clean house seems to kick me out of a rut like this. I hate feeling like this! There is no reason I need to feel sorry for myself. I am so blessed and happy to be able to stay home.
Thanks for letting me vent...
1 comment:
You can vent anytime you want. You are the most unselfish mother and woman and friend. You are blessed, you are right about that. I feel for you, I really do. Elizabether, I have my days too....I think I've had one of those days just about everyday for a month now. Some days I just want to pack up and take a few days away and recoup, ya know. You look great, I have always thought that. Is Dan not happy with the way you look or is he giving you a bit of a hard time about the way you look? I know it's not all about that, it's hard being a woman, a mom, a wife. I never really came out and told anyone about my bout with depression. It was the worst three months of my life and I never ever want to go back there and I won't. It felt better to talk to someone about it. Nevon was good to talk to but he just didn't understand what I was feeling and that made me even more upset. If you ever just want to vent, talk or just type an email to get things off your mind, I am always here and will always listen. If you just want to talk, I will listen. You are a strong woman, mother, wife and friend. This is my thoughts right now. It's 9:26 pm, I'm tired but I never get to sit and just watch TV or much anything else during the day and if I go to bed.....I'll NEVER get to. SO here I sit, on the computer, listening to the TV enjoying every moment of it! I'm tired yes, but I really do just need my time to unwind!! Keep your head HIGH!! Happy cleaning, I hope you can get things where you want them to be. Take care of YOU! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!! Man, I so wish I wore an size 8, dang it!!! Luv you!!
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