I have so many regrets as a parent. Some big, some little. Some I regretted awhile ago and now they're not regrets anymore. I regret every single time I've yelled except for when one of my kids was wondering into a street and I needed to get their attention quick. I regret too much time spent on the computer when I could have been playing a game with my kids. I regret not smiling enough and not teaching them more scripture. I regret tearing them down instead of encouraging them...especially if I hear them do it to each other. One of my biggest regrets is not doing a better job of making memory books/journals of my precious time with my children. I wish I could turn to Ashton age 2.15 in a journal and read what we did that day and how he delighted me at that age. I've hardly even taken pictures of Gideon. A broken camera and few outings seem to have affected the amount of pictures I have of him...i just don't think of getting out the camera when we're staying home day after day.
I DON"T regret not putting them in a lot of activities. I don't regret moving them around to be with Daddy. I don't regret home schooling them or the time it took me away from other activities. I don't regret staying at home with them instead of working...each and every day has been worth it and precious to me.
It's silly, but sometimes I regret not buying them cuter clothes. They're only little once and it's special to dress them up and enjoy it as a mama. I never thought this would be something I would look back on and regret, but it is. I regret not making their rooms cuter each time we move. I really regret not ever being able to put together a beautiful nursery for a baby.
One day they will be gone. I will only have memories left and no little children. It's hard to imagine, but it breaks my heart at the same time. I'm thankful that I'm writing this post now...in the midst of having many small children...and not on the day my last baby is married. Maybe I can do better with my journaling and memory books...perhaps I can get myself a new camera and take pictures of my sweet, sweet baby. Most importantly, perhaps I can be positive and encouraging and use a soft, sweet voice with my children. And I won't have to write this post again at the end of this parenting journey.
1 comment:
here i am feeling the same way, particularly about communicating through yelling all too often and struggling to find balance between the things that need done and the time spent with my littles. i'm sure all stay at home parents struggle with these things. sometimes it feels like an onslaught of insanity and before i know what is happening i am yelling. and then as soon as its out of my mouth i feel like a huge failure. but we learn. and we get better. and we teach our children so they can be better. and whether or not they had the cutest nursery on the block, they will never doubt a moment that they were unconditionally loved by their parents - and that is the greatest gift. keep it up, momma.
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